Clubs Warned Over Kolatorowicz
Following weeks of uncertainty, Adam “Dread Juice” Kolatorowicz has pledged his future to the Juices. After last season’s impressive Teal League displays, the hardnose captain was being courted by Blue Division giants The Bulldogs. Unsettled by the owner’s lack of a serious offer, it was rumored that “Dread Juice” would be on his way out. It was reported that The Bulldogs were outraged by The Juices transfer price of $48.00 USD. Recent headlines of “Dread’s Days Numbered,” “Who Say Jah No Dread,” and “Hootenany,” have left Los Jugos supporters feeling less than confident about their skipper’s return. Tonight they can rest easy. Club ownership issued a statement:
“Adam means so much to the club. He will be here for the foreseeable future. Other offers for the player will not be considered, and will be viewed as an enchroachment of SoccerFirst player rules.”
Terms were not revealed, but the deal does include a deluxe DVD version of R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet” and an unlimited supply of Manwich. Adam insists that he is 100% focused on the upcoming game, and won’t “phone in” his performance against Verizon Wireless this Sunday.
Posted: March 12th, 2009 under Gin and Juice.